14/11/2015 - Esuma

We had things to say
Disguised
uncomfortably sweetness
Never banalize the kissing smile
emoticon again.
We were gone and
I was not done,
Thinking I couldn't bare
Wanting to be with you
That night again.
That night
That I was wondering,
You were wondering about fucking zen stuff
Over added with your non pills taking
- The world was unaware.

Beware, I thought;
and dreamt that I couldn't say,
I woke up alive
in a mourning date intuition's
a part of mine that never fails
(witch! witch!)
You were on my mind and I was
seeking for reaching you and
reassure I'd not give up that easy on you, xuxu.

I coudn't grab you in the air.

I was stuck on the floor screaming
Desperately for the ground to open
so I can reach you before you hit
some black hole and die
permanently.

As if you could be saved by a late me.
As I could save myself from your act.

I couldn't, in fact.
And I actually acted like a crazy one
who kept seeking for something surely will
remain unknown;
I dig every fucking hole,
Every single one,
And when the time came I read what
we had spoken since the beggining of our world
How could we truly love someone we never met
Laughs, family, trash, feelings, sharing
We cared
I know I could have told you you were
someway already part of me
You could have been more honest
with less jokes included
We disguised;
I wished you good luck
You kind of said goodbye.

Bye bye baby.
Sleep tight.
Now there's no monsters and
you don't have to hide.
I told you I'd love to take care of you,
and I will if you don't mind.
Remember best silence dawn is from Tuesday to Wednesday?
When I'm woke up at this time
I'll light a joint with you in mind
believing when you told me that night
that you were really enlighten.

You asked me what absence was.
I asked you if in fact absence existed.
Empirically I can tell you there's no such thing as absence.
You're still alive
But invisibly.

07/10/2015

When I look at myself
It's only a skeleton
Wrapped in a skin and muscle plaque
Dissolving itself invisibly to naked eyes
In sulfuric acid.

My dear lungs
Hanging on as they can
Hoping I don't hang myself
And throw away this incredible
survival work.

My eyes always down down down
I can laugh but they won't
Even if I tried so fucking hard

My heart
A peeled boiled tomato
Fingernail scratched
I can see my tomato blood
stuck in your middle finger.

Nevertheless, I care about me.

15/09/2015

Look at her
Swollen face
I'm so worried about it
Love is not enough
After the disgrace

After all

Allegations are disturbing
Sometimes she's so heavy

luckily afraid of water, though
No floating boat would handle it's
Disturbances and loads and loads
Of stoned blonde girls in undies,
she discloses.

Where to go
Where to go

With only on eye hole opened?

What to do
What to do
If the only thing she had left
Left her for you?

I write this spell for she has no fingers no more
To type her voice printed in an ink shore of
Lines and lines of blabbering lies,
She knows for sure.

No mystery solved.

Who is there?
It's me and I choke you off
It's you and you put me aside
She's not there, no she isn't
There to be scared of what we'll
Become.

It's just a hide and seek kind of prom.
I'm out
I'm here
She's gone.

15/09/2015

I'm solid,
I'm matter

I remember
As I reach
my own reflection

less a surprise
than a testimony
observes
my perception

Scarcely

My fists
I need them
Now
Entirely

Legs may be fun
If you think about it
Carefully

&

Mama warned me
I fucked it up anyway

I forgot
that

I'm solid
I matter

My fists
My perception
Legs
Mama

I fucked it up
carefully.

15/09/2015

A pyromaniac hidden
In a forest of neuron trees
Sneaking tiptoe
Along with the tictac
Of a biological clock feet

Wallying inside it
Tickling the nerves
(A childish toture
For an old ghost.)

Out of nowhere
All-the-colors'
Gone
Burned-to-the-bones,
Baby, to-the-bones.

I could use some grey
To illustrate it,
However,
The subsequents
Fireworks fit better.

Scared as a child, yes,
But now I know how
It burns and melts
And I've made a vowel
To watch it closely.

You could supposedly
Think instead that
Death arouses me
Because you're blind
For what I see inside it.

It's a dark matter magic fight.

I'm sitting in the first row
Trying to see a light or a hole
In this difining (or defying)
Horror show...

The loud clashing
Of the pyromaniac work.
Ashes
Flashes
Bolts
thousands and thousands
Of volts,
Flesh,
And just a skull
Around it
Filled with blood.

Additionally, maybe a soul,
If it could be defined.

25/08/2015 - Ode ao inevitável

I am craving everybody's else words
In a desperate aim to save me from my own's

I've been reading everyone, anything
that could tell me how
to heal me here,
now
My tears join me as an easy smile
So I'm often drowned
In miles
of profoundness -
Any word can be a terrifying fact -
I am just a gril
in a woman dress

I claim mercy
I don't have a single problem
I'm just thirsty
I just can't breath
Anymore carbon
monoxide

I'm tired of this salty
Self pity croon...

I look at the full moon...
A nude me as eroded as I used to be.
Now I feel like a new moon at noon.
A naked eye show
That no one can see.
I'm eclipsed by myself
There's nothing left...

I have to make peace
To my miracle rebirth act
After death

My head whispers: soon, soon...

24/08/2015

In a blink of an eye
I regret everything
And the subsequent
Consuming burden
Makes me hate you.
Makes me hate all of you.
I feel a filthy puritanical whore
Flirting with alien dicks
With fucked preconceived
Notions about me.
- Or my tasty pussy.
Almost disgusted
I proceed
As a fact
That will happen
All the life I have to live.
Poor me,
I mean, what else can exist
For someone who adores
and dreams to share a life with a myth,
Really, If only I could be
More flexibly free
In terms of sex and sexuality.
I hate them cause I adore them
And they hate me.
They torture me like a
Bizarre creature that can't be
Right, or cool, or safe
To take a risk, to taste,
To bleed and sip this kind
Of mushroom tea.

Nevertheless, I always come back.
You see,
Sensually tender and beautifully
Free and shy
I appear with no ties
Or ropes or literally crazy.
I don't lie, maybe I hide
Something in a sweet vibe.
And I have to try
- until I hate you again
and regret everything I did,
I have to try.

24/08/2015

You reached your destination
And my predestination
is finally concluded.

I am particularly bruised
Smelling like anything but me
As I was in your side of the same sea.

I am confused, actually.
I could't forgive a single fact
since the day I left
You to live your life and rest
your path of lies.

I am intrigued how naive I seemed
When I was younger a few months ago.
It's like a movie scene -
There was no wedding ring
To let me go
Of your planned being.

The only space I could wring
Myself was in a filthy basement:
You can't bring
Me home
You're ashamed of a possible
Replacement,
After all, you are so attached
To your own damned moral
Essence,
And I am untypical.

I can't reach your expectations.
So you joint me in a crack.
I'm just the girl of your imagination
And you are just my last crap.